“Simply shine your light on the road ahead, and you are helping others to see their way out of the darkness.”
– Katrina Mayer, inspirational author/speaker, and wellness advocate
What if that outburst, that reckless act, or even that kick in the shins wasn’t defiance, but a desperate plea to be seen? In this heartfelt column, we explore how attention-seeking behaviours often mask a deeper hunger for connection. With insight and compassion, it reminds us that the need to be noticed isn’t a flaw—it’s a signal. And with understanding, we can answer it in ways that heal.
“Man, those are nasty bruises,” I said, noting Lee’s wounded shins.
“I know,” he replied. “I got them this morning on my walk.”
Lee was a sprightly senior who enjoyed long morning walks through his neighbourhood. One spring morning, he decided to extend his usual route, venturing into unfamiliar territory. Taking a shortcut down a back alley, he passed behind several older homes, some clearly neglected. In one yard, a group of children were playing tag near a ramshackle two-storey house.
As Lee passed, the kids stopped their game and stared. He raised his cane in greeting and offered a warm smile. But instead of waving back, the children surrounded him, laughing, taunting, and kicking him in the shins. Despite his protests, they didn’t stop until he pushed through the group and stumbled several metres down the alley. Then, just as quickly, they returned to their game as if nothing had happened.
I was stunned. Lee wasn’t one to exaggerate, and the bruises were proof enough.
“Are you going to press charges?” I asked.
Lee shook his head. “No,” he said. “I’d rather speak with their parents—if you’ll come with me.” He glanced down at his legs. “My shins would have me believe those children were cruel and thoughtless,” he continued, “but my heart tells me those kids are starved for love and attention.”
Lee’s perspective stuck with me. When children don’t receive the love and guidance they need, they often seek it in destructive ways. Even negative attention can feel better than being ignored. Studies show that children deprived of validation and affection may grow up struggling with self-esteem and emotional regulation. Their unmet need for love often manifests in risky behaviour, outbursts, or a relentless need for approval—anything to be seen.
Sometimes, when people act out or demand attention, it’s not vanity or mischief—it’s loneliness trying to be heard. The desire to matter can manifest in all kinds of behaviours, especially when someone has spent a lifetime feeling unseen. Yet no amount of attention can fill that emptiness until we begin to recognise our own worth.
Genuine validation doesn’t come from applause or approval—it grows quietly inside us through connection, kindness, and self-respect. When we start to believe we are enough, we stop chasing the spotlight and begin sharing it. That’s when self-esteem becomes something steady and sacred—an inner light we can carry into every relationship.
“Shall we get this over with?” I asked.
Lee nodded, and we approached the house. He rapped on the screen door—there was no bell. A voice shouted from inside, and a woman in her 30s opened the door.
As Lee introduced himself, the children peeked around the corner. The oldest looked to be about ten, the youngest perhaps four. Before we could say another word, the woman yelled at them to get back inside. They scattered—except the youngest, who stepped forward and kicked me square in the shin.
Without another word, the woman said she didn’t need anything and slammed the door.
As we limped home, I asked Lee if he still believed those children lacked love and attention.
“I do,” he said. “Sometimes a kick in the shins is just a cry for help.”
We validate others through our attention, whether it’s through compassion, encouragement, or simply being present. Healthy self-esteem gives us the courage to take a stand, to dream boldly, and to show up for others with open eyes and open hearts. It’s not about perfection. It’s about presence.
I don’t know what became of those children. I only hope they found the love and guidance they so clearly needed.
Reflective Prompt
Think about a time when someone’s behaviour puzzled or frustrated you. What might have been their unspoken need beneath the surface—and how might empathy have changed the outcome?