“A house full of people is a house full of different points of view.”
– Māori Proverb
“Can you imagine a more dire existence?”
The writers looked around the table at each other. At first, no one spoke.
I was chairing a small writers’ gathering. One of the participants had just read a short piece about her experience on a farm. A city girl, she had fallen for a young farmer and decided to move onto the land with him. Her story described everything from fixing fences to cleaning the chicken house. The final insult came when the year’s calf crop was brought into the corral. Her vivid writing brought the scene to life: you could almost see the mucky cattle pen and the burly young farmer in coveralls, practically hear the bellow of the calves as the branding iron was applied, and even smell the acrid stench of burning hair. There was also a reference to a particular cow-country delicacy: prairie oysters. Shortly after that, she left the farm—and the farmer.
“I grew up on a farm,” one of the writers offered. Several of us around the table remarked that we had, too.
“I left the farm,” the woman continued, “when I went to university, and I never went back.”
“Finally!” The city gal banged her open hand on the table and leaned back in her chair as if her position had finally gained traction. “Someone who understands what I’m saying!”
“Actually,” the other woman replied, “I didn’t have the opportunity to return to the farm, but given the chance, I would have jumped at it. Your description sounds like heaven to me.”
Why is it so challenging to step outside the square where we live and reassess our assessments—or at least respect and acknowledge a divergent point of view?
New research into perspective-taking suggests that the ability to appreciate another’s point of view is universal in children but becomes seriously eroded over time. As we age, we become set in our ways. Additionally, studies indicate that culture influences this ability. For example, cultures that prioritize individualism and independence often struggle more with recognizing and embracing other perspectives than those that emphasize collective and interdependent relationships.
Shifting our perspective is difficult because we invest deeply in our beliefs and perceptions. Most of us view life from a single vantage point, and this lens becomes our model of reality. When new information doesn’t fit comfortably into our existing frame of reference, we tend to disregard it—and once disregarded, it is quickly forgotten.
Sometimes, however, opposing views can’t be ignored. When this happens, we face two choices: resist the new perspective or consider and possibly integrate it into our worldview. The latter often requires a radical shift in thinking. Unfortunately, resistance is the more common response, reinforcing current perceptions and strengthening biases, prejudices, and stereotypes.
As with the writer of the farm piece, resistance can lead to narrow conclusions—such as deciding that all farm life is intolerable or that rural people are somehow oblivious to the possibility of a “better” existence.
Our capacity for growth—mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and socially—depends on our willingness to consider other viewpoints. Expanding our perspective allows us to learn, evaluate, and integrate new ideas and experiences, enriching our lives.
Being open to alternative viewpoints requires suspending judgment and cultivating flexible thinking. The good news is that, although eroded over time, the ability to shift perspectives and explore alternatives can be retrained. In my experience, the better our self-esteem, the more willing we are to consider divergent views. When we come from a place of self-awareness rather than fear, we become less defensive and more curious.
A great question to start the process is, “How do I know this to be true?” This questioning attitude, coupled with a willingness to evaluate new information, is vital for growth and self-awareness.
The Israeli religious philosopher Martin Buber captured this sentiment beautifully:
“I do not accept any absolute formulas for living. No preconceived code can see ahead to everything that can happen in a man’s life. As we live, we grow, and our beliefs change. They must change! So, let’s live with this constant discovery. We should be open to this adventure in heightened awareness of living. We should stake our existence on our willingness to explore and experience.”
As we were leaving the meeting, the second writer nudged the first.
“You wouldn’t happen to have that farmer’s phone number, would you?”
Shocked, the city girl paused momentarily, then burst into laughter.
“You know,” she said. “I just might have it tucked away somewhere.”
Accepting that there may be more than one way of viewing a situation can be immensely challenging. But when we choose to open our minds to other perspectives, we invite personal growth, greater understanding, and richer connections with others. Perhaps, after careful reflection, we’ll conclude that our current perspective is the right one for us—and that’s fine. But unless we explore other views, we’ll never truly know.